Discovery

I am taking a class in Las Vegas this weekend and part of our homework assignment is to keep a journal and write an entry every night.

What do I think so far?
At this point, I am not sure I am cut out for this class. I don't share, especially about my private life. The whole point of this class is to share about your life so that you can discover yourself-how you think, how you act, and why you think and act that way. How are you supposed to do this if you can't share?? But, the catch is that the majority (ok, maybe 40%) of the people enrolled in this course are the same way, which is oddly comforting. I am not alone! Today, I will try harder to share and open up.

I've known that everyone has their problems and baggage but only yesterday did I actually understand that fact. Everyone has a belief system that is formed from past experiences that influence the way they behave. Everyone hurts. During my quiet observation, I have found that many people in this class are a kind of mirror for me: people who are people pleasers and thus afraid to say no. I find that I tell people what I think they want to hear instead of saying what I am really feeling. I suspect this behavior stems from a childhood of trying to appease and please my parents, only to be faced with their disapproval. Because I never got theirs, I try to find it in others, whether it's in strangers, friends, or relationships. Recently, my parents have given me their approval (based on all the lies I tell them lawl) but this behavior is so engraved in me that I don't know how to change it.

Close to the end of the night, we formed groups of 6 or 7. My group: a very mothering woman, a woman who knows little English, a 24yr old who reminds me a lot of Leah, a 19yr old overly-eager ginger boy, a car salesman, a gay man who is trying to get away from a destructive relationship, and me. The course leader says that by the end of the weekend, we will discover why we were drawn to each other. This, I have my doubts about. I think that because he said that there was a reason we were drawn together, we are going to find a reason that didn't exist. It's like how all English papers are based on thesises (thesi?) that the author never intended.  Does that make sense? Too lazy to clarify if not.

Anyways, those are my thoughts on the class so far. The drive up here was AMAZING because for probably 5 of the 6 hours it was absolutely POURING. I'm talking about 5 foot visibility, baseball sized raindrops hitting my car, almost dying about 8 times, and adrenaline coursing through my veins as I did 80 on a mountain going down while all the other cars were doing 40. Then, it cleared up and the whole time I had been in a complex system of mountains, valleys, rivers,and lakes. It was breathtaking. I got out to walk on the Hoover Dam (and paid 20$, what a ripoff) and that was cool.

My hostel is so great. I got a room to myself! But people are checking in tonight since it's the weekend.  Beds are comfy and free breakfast for $18/night. Score!

Anyways I should probably get ready for this course. Today is a 13hr day of more self-discovery. Can't wait. Can you feel my enthusiasm?

Your friendly neighborhood Asian,
Binny

P.S. Sorry if there are lots of mistakes, I a writing on my iPad and its a bit difficult. (Here's me making excuses again)

Personalit(ies)

So there's this guy named Jung Something or Something Jung and he thought he could generalize all the personalities of the world into eight catagories. Pfft. (You couldn't even fit ours into 8 if you wanted to.) Anyways, I took the test and got ENTP: extraverted 11%, intuitive 38%, thinking 12%, perceiving 56%. Some other ENTP's include Thomas Edison and Leonardo Da Vinci. (I guess I've graced this group with my presence.) I do relate to some of the things that were said in the description, such as "perverse sense of humor" and "little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent". I'm also relieved that suitable careers are those that involve "intensive intellectual efforts". However, I'm wondering if this is one of those things where it's SO generalized where you have no choice but to agree with what they're saying, like horoscopes.

I also remember taking this test for my psychology class in high school and getting a different answer. I got INTP which is the same as today's results except for the introversion. I have to believe that people are able to change, because let's be honest (lesbianest), high school Binny ain't got nothing on college Binny.

If you want to take this test and find your destiny or whatever,
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

If you want to read more about ENTP and my supposed "fondness of toys" ;),
http://www.humanmetrics.com/personality/entp


Sincerely, (what's our closer???)
Binny

While I am by no means emotionally stable, I am by no means emotionally inept.

Over the years, I have built walls that are taller than Mt. Everest and with more protection than using birth control, condoms, and the pull out method. Under rare circumstances (too many drinks, PMS, or sex brain), I have let my walls down and practiced the rather simple yet convoluted task of opening up. Similar to the "opening up" you do for a strep culture or a Pap smear, I have determined that emotional transparency leaves you just as vulnerable and uncomfortable.

While a bit dramatic and overgeneralized, I have discovered that with emotional transparency comes two fundamental responses: the "there are people who have gone through worse" comments and the "you're doing so well considering.." comments. (Ironic because neither result is as definitive as my recent STD test.) The ambiguity of these responses leaves me to wonder what we hope for in opening up to people. Do we seek the validation that our woes outweigh other peoples? Better yet, is opening up a determinant of maturity, as if when you do you are suddenly deemed emotionally stable enough to be an adult? Is it a profound maturity that allows us to recognize that other people simply cannot understand our problems to the fullest extent, or is it a profound immaturity that we feel our problems somehow surpass other people's intellectual caliber?

Is emotional opening up just as important as scheduling those annual physical exams?

I'll let you know when I figure it out, you do the same.

Perpetually Single,
Leah

(and Binny)

Not-So-Profound Thoughts

While I am virtually incapable of making any sound judgment calls or, frankly, any calls at all, it only makes sense to write a list of things for everyone else to follow.

Here they are:

1. Living alone, you quickly learn that you are not ready for a pet, baby, or even a house plant because keeping yourself alive is hard enough.

2. When deciding whether to go for pizza or 'cook' food - go for pizza. While your thighs may not appreciate it, your stomach will.

3. If your options are to watch netflix or go to a party where you will likely make some regrettable decisions - choose the party. It will make for a better story. (plus you can't binge drink past your twenties without being signed up for AA)

4. Don't search for that infamous summer fling. If you force it, you will likely end up with a 5'6" overgrown toddler who calls you the morning after saying, "I'm sorry, I know you were hoping for a relationship, but I just don't think I'm ready for that." (92% sure these guys need to look up the term fling)

5. Sleep naked. There is something about waking up always surprised that you aren't wearing pjs. 

6. Always say yes to a date. It's free food - ultimately helping your chances of survival.

7. Never make a drunk snapchat story full of embarrassing moments or confessions, those stay on there for way longer than you think and you can see who has witnessed them.

8. While older generations tend to look down on the use of profanity (you know, fuck, shit, ass, bitch, that 'c' word that everyone hates), use them, sometimes there is never a more perfect word than the ones that society deems are inappropriate.

9. Running shoes and jeans are the absolute worst... the same applies to cargo pants and colored jeggings. I know it's an 'efficiency' over 'cool-factor' thing, but you don't want to be the person a group of 17 year old girls laugh at (for some reason their opinions get to you the most).


Perpetually single,

Leah

(and Binny)

A Biopsy?

Hello world, this post is our first step into the blogosphere. We don't promise to be funny but we promise to be vulgar, incredibly mature (sarcasm), and, at times, very sexual. Here's a small biopsy of each of us.

My name is Binny, and I was born and raised in the northern hemisphere.  I currently attend the University of Arizona, where I study science-y and math-y things. On the outside, I may seem like your typical Asian. But on the inside, I'm pretty much your typical Asian. In the near future, I plan on going blonde, or close to it. In the far-away future, I plan on marrying rich and having lots of hoes in every area code. I'm not always grammatically correct (Engrish), much to my partner's dismay, but I am an excellent speller. I almost won the school spelling bee in the 4th grade. Holla. Also, In case you were wondering, I am not a lesbian, although I come pretty damn close to it for Leah. She'll write her little blurb as soon as she gets out of the shower. ;)

I'm Leah, not asian, not native to the Koreas, and too afraid of commitment to have hoes in every area code (my only long term relationship is with food.) I look forward to the finer things in life - like new razors and good smelling shampoo. While writing this, I feel like something out of Sex in the City, minus the city and sex, so more of just 'in', but I still feel like Carrie Bradshaw nonetheless. At night time, I cuddle my baby blanket and sip wine from the bottle (more of a frat party handle pull than sip, but don't tell my AA sponsor). During the day time, I live in sweat pants, or really anything with more elastic in it than any other material, I also occasionally attend class, but am more likely to be found amidst four pillows and many blankets watching Grey's Anatomy Marathons (intentionally capitalized...it's a real event).

Perpetually single,

Binny and Leah