Not-So-Profound Thoughts

While I am virtually incapable of making any sound judgment calls or, frankly, any calls at all, it only makes sense to write a list of things for everyone else to follow.

Here they are:

1. Living alone, you quickly learn that you are not ready for a pet, baby, or even a house plant because keeping yourself alive is hard enough.

2. When deciding whether to go for pizza or 'cook' food - go for pizza. While your thighs may not appreciate it, your stomach will.

3. If your options are to watch netflix or go to a party where you will likely make some regrettable decisions - choose the party. It will make for a better story. (plus you can't binge drink past your twenties without being signed up for AA)

4. Don't search for that infamous summer fling. If you force it, you will likely end up with a 5'6" overgrown toddler who calls you the morning after saying, "I'm sorry, I know you were hoping for a relationship, but I just don't think I'm ready for that." (92% sure these guys need to look up the term fling)

5. Sleep naked. There is something about waking up always surprised that you aren't wearing pjs. 

6. Always say yes to a date. It's free food - ultimately helping your chances of survival.

7. Never make a drunk snapchat story full of embarrassing moments or confessions, those stay on there for way longer than you think and you can see who has witnessed them.

8. While older generations tend to look down on the use of profanity (you know, fuck, shit, ass, bitch, that 'c' word that everyone hates), use them, sometimes there is never a more perfect word than the ones that society deems are inappropriate.

9. Running shoes and jeans are the absolute worst... the same applies to cargo pants and colored jeggings. I know it's an 'efficiency' over 'cool-factor' thing, but you don't want to be the person a group of 17 year old girls laugh at (for some reason their opinions get to you the most).


Perpetually single,

Leah

(and Binny)